“Germans love David Hasselhoff.”

* Over the weekend, I took in two movies.  “The Wrestler” is good but not great.  It has a compelling main character in Mickey Rourke’s Randy “The Ram” Robinson.  Marisa Tomei is good as a frequently topless stripper.  But the movie seems unsure what to do with its main characters.  coraline-posterThe end is needlessly vague.  I enjoyed it, but I don’t know how many replays it will get should it find its way into my DVD collection.

“Coraline” is beautiful to look at, and the story is cool, but the voice acting is uniformly awful.  And the flick seems to be missing huge amounts of music.  It feels needlessly sparse for something so visually inventive.  Still, it’s nice to see stop-motion animation survive in a world of computer generated images.  (I would not take a kid younger than 12 to see this.  It’s pretty dark.)

* Women are more religious than men.  Especially the ladies on Cinemax late at night.  They’re always screaming, “Oh, God!  Oh, God!  Oh, God!”

* Racial harmony is finally here… in TV commercials.  This is the part where you straighten up in your chairs and say, “Some of my best friends are black.”  (Your doorman is not one of your best friends, by the way.)

jerryspringer_narrowweb__300x4690* Will Jerry Springer leave Chicago for Connecticut?  More important, will he leave all the crack addict trailer folk behind?  They mull around the NBC Tower and it makes it tough to get in and out.

* Do you want Michelle Obama’s arms?  Put down the hedge clippers and step away from the White House fence, psycho.

* Thanks to the Blog Typo Squad for pointing out that “of” and “if” are different words.  In my defense, I added that to the blog in a delirious haze right before I went to sleep at home.  Then again, there’s never an excuse for typos.

* Women do not respond to sexy advertising… unless the item advertised is presented as a gift from a committed man.  Hence all those sappy diamond commercials about Jared and kisses beginning with “Kay” and diamonds being forever.  You never see a commercial that says, “Diamonds: Because your mistress is more likely to keep quiet this way.”

lunch* Best Dad Ever: This guy spends every lunch break drawing on his kids’ lunch bags for the next day.  Awesome idea.  I hope his kids appreciate the art.  Those are some darn fine drawings.

* Hey!  You shoving the placentas down the sewer!  Knock it off!

* Los Angeles bans cussing this week.  The latest Tarantino movie will have to shut down for a while.

* Did you hear about the Irish airline that’s gonna charge people to use the toilet?  It’ll be cheaper just to aim out the window.  Just be careful not to be sucked in the engine.  (Unless you’re into that sort of thing.)

* Ever wonder about the people behind the counter at your local Comic Book Store?  Wonder no more!  Choice excerpt…

On a Wednesday, a regular customer came and bought a ton of comics as per usual.  Then the next day he came in he was completely scab-covered and bruised on his face.  We were like, “Dude, what happened to you? Are you okay?”  Turns out he started falling down on a escalator while holding his comics and rather than protecting his face he protected his comics.  But they still got a little bent, so the next day he came back and re-bought them.

* Germans would rather talk about death and sickness than sex.  How would their hero, David Hasselhoff, respond?  Probably with an awesome music video like this one…

(What says “freedom” more than endless car stunts?)

* The annual convention of newspaper editors has been cancelled for the first time since WWII.  Once newspapers fall, TV news won’t be far behind.  We’re total parasites.

* No wonder newspapers are dying.  The best story the New York Times can come up with is sending a guy to Times Square wearing a Snuggie, just to see what happens.

* Study: McCain voters are porn freaks. 

Viewer mail about that story: Nancy is mad!

“I was offended by Rob Elgas’s off the cuff comment following the story about red-state use of internet porn. The story in itself illustrated the liberal slant of NBC, but I’m used to that and the slant is not often shown by the local reporting. Rob followed the story with the comment insinuating that anyone with a McCain bumper sticker uses internet porn – this was offensive and insulting. “

Hey, Nancy.  The story came from ABC News.  So feel free to shut up.  But I understand you might be upset if your DSL is slow and you haven’t been able to download any new material for a while.  Perhaps you can hook up with the pot heads from last week to mellow out.  EVERYBODY CHILL!

McCain 2008* Chief porn freak Joe the Plumber held a book signing this weekend.  Eleven people showed up to hear him.  Joe sold five books.  Back to obscurity, Plumber Man.

* Is masturbating cheating?  Am I going to get in trouble for looking at that article at work?  Wait.  You mean the article is on NBCChicago.com?  Brave new world.

* Danica Patrick has a tramp stamp.  Yet it’s not there in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.  Wha’ happened?  (Take it easy, Typo Squad.  I really do mean “Wha’ Happened?”)

* Louis CK illustrates why we should stop being so uptight.  Everything’s amazing!

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