* Get married and stay married to save the planet. I’m kinda counting on the apocalypse so I can launch Operation Last Man on Earth.
* Despite the recession, there are still a few good jobs out there, like painting naked chicks in Brazil. (Not paintings of naked chicks, painting on naked chicks.)
* Effective Parenting Rule #783 – When your teenager refuses to remove his hat in church, stab him in the butt.
* Speaking of church, we ran a story this morning about how the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association is laying off 55 employees. Script: That’s about 10% of their workforce, so they’re basically tithing.
Rob pronounced “tithing” as “teething.” Someone hasn’t been to church in a while.
* The San Francisco Chronicle may go under. Will the last newspaper standing please turn out the lights?
* The internet is warping our brains. I’d like to take credit.
* You know your life sucks when… you’d rather go back to prison because it’s easier there.
* Scientists find out who would win in a fight: crocodiles or magnets.
* Great writing from STNGWire this morning…
(GARY, Ind.) Pamela Johnson didn’t have cash for a woman seeking donations Saturday night, but the beggar had something for her: a beating. With a crucifix.
* There is no way Spider-Man: The Broadway Musical will be anything other than awful.
* Women tend to bully other women. Men watch, hope they’ll pillow fight.
* British parents who hate their children give them names like Stan Still, Jo King and Carrie Oakey. (Still better than Jermaine Jackson’s kid, Jermajesty. Seriously.)
* More men need to do this: Upon breaking up with his girl, an Australian man issued her an invoice for everything he paid for during the course of their relationships. All the women in my life owe me the cost of those night vision goggles. Expensive!
* The U.S. House is trying to take away your right to buy a monkey from another state. HOW DARE YOU, U.S. HOUSE?
* Viewer mail!
Yesterday, we ran the story about California potentially legalizing marijuana to raise money for the state. To conclude the story, I wrote (and Rob read), “In the meantime, Michael Phelps is renting a U-Haul and heading west.”
Ashley and Nick didn’t take too kindly to that…
My husband and I watch your news every morning because we are up so early and we have had no problems with your newscast until this morning. This morning we were watching and the story came on about the bill in California to legalize marijuana. Rob Elgas, I feel, made an unnecessary and ignorant comment about Michael Phelps in relation to the marijuana story. I am sure if Mr. Phelps would have heard that, he would have been just as outraged. Before your anchor is so flippant and dismissive about marijuana, maybe he should do a little research and for that matter, maybe your station should do a story on how legalizing marijuana in our own state would eliminate any and all budget deficit by taxing and regulating marijuana, and cut out wasteful spending of money and time used by our police officers to deal with non violent drug offenders. We are in the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression and we have a very real solution right in our face that no one wants to acknowledge. And on top of it, I have yet to hear your station say anything about the bill regarding medical marijuana in our state. Wake up, marijuana could very well save us in more ways then one.
Ashley and Nick are pretty tense for a pair of pot heads. First, our story offered no opinion on weed, other than to say that Michael Phelps is a big fan. He is. Second, we don’t need to do research on marijuana. We have people to do that for us. Third, shut up.
* This seems out of whack: Author claims parents don’t matter as much as a kid’s peers. I think parents can do an awesome job of screwing a kid up.
* “If you live in an expensive city like San Francisco, Chicago or New York, it might be cheaper right now to spend a week on a cruise ship than to stay at home.” Maybe. But staying in my apartment allows me to avoid other people and sunburn.
* Social networking sites are changing children’s brains, resulting in selfish and attention deficient young people. I would have continued reading that article, but it didn’t say anything about me.
* Are you being bullied in your office? Not since I stopped bringing my lunch money, no.
* Sign of the times: Man living in cave faces foreclosure, dragons.
* The people want to know, why does Madonna’s face look like that? More important, why are we still talking about Madonna?