* As I write this, my muscles are tense and my pulse is rapid. I am trying to reconcile my creative vision with the limitations of my resources. When those two things collide, there is steam. Angry, angry steam. Imagine how “Star Wars” would have looked if George Lucas asked for thrilling spaceship battles and he got two guys dangling paper plates from string.
I have eaten two donuts and I am no calmer. I need a wall to punch.
It sucks having standards.
* Someone found this blog by searching the phrase “Rob Elgas shirtless.” Why do I think this is Rob just looking for pictures of himself?
* You’re gonna want to pass when your table orders the blowfish testicle appetizer.
* Dick Van Dyke dishes on his awful Cockney accent and other “Mary Poppins” stories. (Fact:“The Dick Van Dyke Show” is one of the best shows of any genre in any era.)
* The Tribune asks, “What should Blagojevich tell his daughters?” How about, “Clean your (bleepin’) room”?
* Science reveals why bad jokes make everyone mad. So keep on rewriting those punchlines at the end of the stories, Zoraida. The audience LOVES your new, “safe” versions.
* Newborns can follow rhythm, which is more than I can say for some of the participants of Dance Friday. (I have rhythm, yet I dance like drunk Frankenstein with a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his neck.)
* Not to panic you or anything, but we’re all going to die in December, 2012.
* Kids today appear to be in a competition to see who can out-whore each other. I was born 15 years too early.
* New York fears the economy will lead to a return of the bleak days of the 1970s. But if that’s true, the Warrrriorrrs would come out to plaaaaayyyyyyyy. (Semi-obscure movie reference.)
* During the 5 a.m. show today, we had an interview with a woman from The Peanut Institute. There’s a Peanut Institute???
* For the first time ever, there’s been a dip in the amount of money Mexican migrant workers send home to their families. You’ll know the economy has really hit the skids when you see Americans jumping the fence to get work south of the border.
* How do you know where to sleep when you’re spending the night at your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents’ house? You could always take a page from my book and not have a girlfriend. Problem solved!
* Tuesday marks 50 years since “The Day the Music Died.” Of course, we all miss the Big Bopper the most. So many hits. There was “Chantilly Lace” and… “Chantilly Lace” and… um… “Chantilly Lace” was a great one, too.
* 17 Michigan pancake house employees work for free one dayto help their boss save his restaurant. Funny, GE is mandating the same behavior from those of us working at NBC. (Did you know I don’t get paid to blog? True!)
* Do not laugh at the guy slipping on the ice. He will shoot you.