SNOWMAGEDDON ’09

* Here it is.  Strap on an adult diaper and brace yourself for Snowmageddon ’09.

Sadly, the animation was made for HDTV, so this clip wont’ show you the awesome helicopters attacking the snowman.  And you can’t read the full “Snowmageddon” at the end.  Stupid digital conversion!

Clearly, this clip merits inclusion in Ben’s Video Vault, hereafter available through the link at the top of the blog.

And it’s made it on the almighty Fark, so I expect massive hits.  (I had 200 within 5 hours of posting the video)

* It was crazy cold walking in to work overnight.  Andy is spouting off about something like -40 wind chills later this week.  (I’m pretty sure I heard “-40” from his mouth.)  I will probably die… or at least require some sort of amputation upon arrival.

* The debut of “American Idol” didn’t really do much for me.  The new judge doesn’t offer much, although she succeeded in being ultra-annoying when she tried to one-up a contestant by singing the song the way it should’ve been sung.  What’s she trying to prove?

A much more interesting reality show is NBC’s “Momma’s Boys,” home to one of the most insane people in America.  There’s this super-racist mom who thinks there’s no girl good enough for her meat-head son.  In the upcoming final episode, she’s going to make her boy choose between her and the blond bombshell he’s got his eye on.  Hilarity will ensue.

* Seems the Obama team is playing hardball with reporters, getting journalists to purr or risk excommunication.  People in my line of work let the country down by not questioning the Bush administration leading up to Iraq, so I hope we don’t make the same mistake again.  Let’s rattle the cages!

USA/* The City Council falls over themselves to praise Roland Burris.  Excuse me?  Just a few days ago, everyone was breathing fire that someone was bold enough to accept the appointment from El Blago.  Now Roland Burris is a folk hero?  I don’t get it.  I question the judgment of anyone who wouldn’t hang up when called by a governor who’d been arrested a few days prior.  This feels very, very wrong.

* All your children are taking nude pictures of themselves and sending them to one another.  I was born too late.

* An obese woman is sent to the zoo for an MRI.  My brother the doctor tells me this was common practice when he worked near Detroit.  The zoo.  Hey, when you find yourself going to the zoo for a medical scan, put down the Twinkie.

* I can’t figure any good reason why 15,000 Norwegians would look up the CTA’s bus tracker website.  Hell, I don’t have 15,000 hits on this blog and I have to think there’s somethingmore entertaining than a bus tracker here.  Look, Norway!  Snowmageddon!

bret-main* Speaking of taking your pick in the dating world, Bret Michaels is cranking out yet another “Rock of Love.”  Bret says, “You can see a lot of someone in their eyes, and if that doesn’t work, straight to the breasts.”  Why women line up to date this walking herpes sore is beyond me.

* Washington courts say it’s fine if 18-year-old students have sex with their teachers.  Again, I was born too late.  (Not that I had any teachers worth consideration for that, but it would have been nice to have the option.)

* Boldly going where no Trek has gone before: The new “Star Trek” movie apparently has some super-hot scene where Uhura rips her shirt off.  How does she pull it off so quickly with that giant metal thing sticking out of her ear?

* Unnecessary remake: “The Karate Kid,” starring Will Smith’s son and… Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi?  Um, yeah.  Good luck with that.

* Chicago is the 3rd most caffeinated city in the U.S.  We’d be tenth if not for all the coffee inhaled by those of us on the overnight shift.

Speaking of chemical stimulation, caffeine can cause hallucinations.  That explains some of the judgment calls made in Chicago TV morning news.

point* Finger length may predict financial success.  I have one particular finger I’ve been pointing at my ailing stock portfolio for more than a year now.

* “Hey son, I hear you didn’t make the team.  Here.  Have some steroids.”

* High levels of estrogen make a woman look and feel prettier, but they also turn her into a bit of a harlot. 

* Have you ever been to Pandora.com?  I finally caved this week and I have visions of all my free time vanishing in thin air.  It might be the coolest thing ever.  You punch in your favorite bands and songs and it tailors a live radio station to your tastes.  As it goes along, you give a thumbs up or down to the music it feeds you.   Eventually, it starts to read your mind, giving you an endless stream of awesome music.

Why don’t they have this with online dating sites?  It would be awesome to click through a list of boxes and have a gift-wrapped girl waiting on the other end.   I’d end up with a girl with Kate Beckinsale’s hair, Anne Hathaway’s smile, Alyssa Milano’s body and the voice of Julie Andrews.  Until such a website comes to life, I’ll just make due with another call to Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

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3 responses to “SNOWMAGEDDON ’09

  1. Do you ever head up to the Gurnee area?
    I have to tell you, some of the ladies in my office (along with myself) think you’re a little slice of heaven.. cynicism aside, you brighten up our mornings with your quirkiness

  2. Yahoo…..Ben…..You should look up Kim

  3. See, Ben? What did I tell you? Women are throwing themselves at you.

    I hate to say it, Kim, but you may just have to send Shallow-Boy Ben some photos to encourage him. And, Ben, don’t you dare say Gurnee is too far to go. As Shakespeare said, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” :-)

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