* We have the first entry in our “Man Up and Read the Script” contest.
Well played, sir. Bonus points for production value. Anyone else want to give it a go? All YouTube entries will get blog placement. See yesterday’s post for details.
* Mailbag! Joanna writes, “You are entitled to your opinions but you are an ass.” That may be true, Joanna, but at least my blog isn’t a boring list of books I’ve read and inconsequential updates on my adult children.
* You know your life has taken a turn for the worse when you go to a brothel to blow off some steam and find your wife working there.
* Welcome to Chicago, where our school system pays $67,000 for dozens of cappuccino machines they don’t use. I’ve lived here four and a half years. The shock of misappropriated funds is wearing off now.
* In four years, Barack Obama will look like… this? Yikes. Presidents do appear to age rapidly, but that seems a little much.
* The porn industry wants a bailout. And a bail-in. And a bail-out. And a bail-in. Faster! Faster! Yes! Yes!
* Reminder: These opinions are mine alone, and do not reflect those of NBC. My on-air journalistic impartiality is rock solid. That said…
I seriously can’t believe the backpedaling on the Roland Burris Senate stuff. Remember last week, when we were all up in arms that our Lego-haired dictator picked him? I get that Burris meets the three bare minimum requirements to be a Senator (“sanity,” not among them). But a man who was arrested on corruption charges selected this guy. Someone needs to fight this.
And spare me the racial argument. This is not about Roland Burris’ race. This is about our governor being unfit to serve, and unfit to select a senator. I don’t care of Roland Burris is the second coming of Winston Churchill. He was picked by a lunatic (all due respect). And that should give us pause.
Let me put it this way: If you went to a barbecue at Jeffrey Dahmer’s house, and he handed you a steak… no matter how delicious it looked, would you take a bite?
* Science gets closer to a pill to make a woman fall madly in love with you. In the meantime, I’ll just keep swinging my sock filled with nickels.
* Who wants a (Bleep) Blagojevich Burger? (A 10 oz. hamburger patty, thick sliced bologna and yellow mustard between two grilled cheese sandwiches made with American cheese and Wonder bread.) Gag.
* Dick Cheney refers to himself as “a warm, lovable sort.” Judges? Ooooo, sorry, Mr. Cheney. We were looking for “terrifying fearmonger.” Nice try, though. Next category: Sex Appeal.
* The frontrunner for NBC5 Mother of the Year is 36-year-old Allanah Earley, who got rip-roaring drunk and breastfed her 3-week-old baby.
* When you divorce, you want all your stuff back… including that kidney you donated to your wife.
*Sign it might be time to move: Your neighbor takes a chainsaw to your front door.
* And now, the stupidest idea in the history of ideas: Free wi-fi at gas stations. Gas stations. Show me a computer that can boot up in the time it takes to fill your tank.
* Whiskey Rebellion had a killer show at iO last night. If you are not attending these, you are missing out on the greatest source of joy in Chicago. Next shot is January 22. Clear your calendar or sink into a deep, hopeless depression.
* Highlight from yesterday’s show…