Is there a merit badge for slow news days?

* Tomorrow is the last day of 2008.  This year can’t get over soon enough.  I don’t know what was worse: watching half my life savings burst into flame in the crucible that is the stock market… or sitting through 16 consecutive losses by the Detroit Lions.

boyscoutsalute* Nerd Alert: An 18-year-old boy has earned all 121 Boy Scout merit badges. This means he’s mastered such diverse disciplines as atomic energy, basketry, bee keeping, coin collecting, dentistry, family life (whatever that means), farm mechanics, horsemanship, Indian lore, mammal study, plumbing, rabbit raising, shotgun shooting, space exploration and truck transportation.  (Full list here.)

I can guarantee one merit badge that guy hasn’t earned yet: Girls.

* Jimmy Buffett has built an empire on the backs of tone-deaf morons. (Previously: My love letter to Parrotheads.)

* Dr. Berman ponders why women are attracted to Drew Peterson. My guess?  The ‘stache.

* Want a complete stranger to write you a love letter? Seems kinda pathetic.  I’ve requested two so far.

risk-game-of-global-domination* Men take risks to impress women. And those of us who don’t take risks pray that the other guys die in their risky pursuits, leaving the women to the rest of us.

* Science! Your facial expressions are genetic.

* More Science! Men want attractive young women; women want rich older men.

* And now, 10 things science says will make you happy. Is one of them a date?  If not, I appear to be totally hosed.

* Useless Stats! 29% of Americans believe high speed internet is a necessity.

Lions Preview Marinelli Football* Should you decline a promotion? If your old job is “anything” and your new job would be “head coach of the Detroit Lions,” then yes.

* Australians battle a ban on topless sunbathing. I need a passport, stat.

* Let’s see how many hits this story gets based on these key phrases: “oral sex,” “biting” and “punching.”

* Congratulations to Sarah Palin’s 18-year-old unmarried daughter Bristol, who gave birth to a baby named Tripp.  This continues her family tradition of stupid names. The name supposedly refers to a common way to fall behind in a race, something Tripp’s grandmother knows all too well.  (Expect Tripp’s eventual siblings to be named “Choke,” “Incoherent Thesis” and “Unqualified Running Mate.”)

One response to “Is there a merit badge for slow news days?

  1. Great idea, but will this work over the long run?

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