The Blago Vacuum

* Remember that severe allergic reaction mentioned a few days ago?  Today I rolled in to work without a hat for the first time since the outbreak.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?” shrieked a less-than-diplomatic coworker.

There were so many possible responses to this, but I went with the truth.  “Allergic reaction,” I said.

mr_peanut1“From peanuts???” the coworker asked.

Um, no.  Not from peanuts.  But congrats on selecting one possible allergen out of the million available.  I see someone is allergic to tact.

Tune in next week when I return to work with a Phantom of the Opera mask.

* I am truly amazed at the lack of news right now.  This Blagojevich thing has sucked all the air out of the room.  We’d be okay if we could run the packages from the night before, but all the reporters are peppering their scripts with the word “today.”  When that happens, you can try cutting out the dated reference, but it often sounds stilted and weird.

Each morning, I’ve spent an additional hour looking for stories and I’m coming up dry.  If you have some news, send it our way.  I mean, I’m even having trouble filling this blog lately.  Lame.

* Speaking of El Blago, his job approval rating is 7%.  Which leads me to believe 7% of Illinoisans are smoking ridiculously large quantities of crack.

* You have to admire an actor willing to slash his own throat onstage during a suicide scene.  Oh… you mean he was supposed to use a prop?  Whoops.

* A Russian entrepreneur has trademarked the emoticon ;-)  Good luck enforcing that, comrade.

flip-d* Onetime hottie Bettie Page is dead.  She is survived by dozens of less attractive women sporting black bangs.

* When you handcuff your lover to the bed, remember where you put the key.

* Just as rock defeats scissors, fox urine defeats toilet paper.

* John Stamos was shopping a semi-remake of “Full House”?  What?  Stamos!  Give it a rest!

* Doctors say you should leave the toilet seat up.  Why?  Toddler penises are on the line.

* KISS is making its first album since 1998.  Like all their other albums, this one will totally suck.

* Ladies, don’t stab your man simply because he refuses sex with you.  Just leave him and hook up with someone else in the trailer park.

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