* I am super-proud of Rob and Zoraida for playing ball yesterday. This was the most fun we’ve had in a while…
* Anne Hathaway’s criminal ex-boyfriend isn’t enjoying prison. Good. That’s what you get for hooking up with one of the hottest chicks on the planet.
* Speaking of one of the hottest chicks on the planet, Leeann Tweeden stopped by Studio 5 this morning. I did not go over to meet her because her sheer hotness would melt my face off, like that guy at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
* Step 1: Write a movie
Step 2: Direct that movie
* Look, I know you’re drunk and in the back of a cop car, but you’re probably going to want to aim your junk away from the back of the cop’s head when you have to urinate.
* Mexico City is about to give all its old men free Viagra. Nothing good can come of this.
* Epic gasbag Kanye West informs us he’s “the voice of this generation.” Apparently, this generation is a bunch of self-centered jerks.
* Hillary for Secretary of State? Because when you hear the name “Clinton,” the first word to jump to mind is “diplomacy.”
* SNL hires two girls to replace Amy Poehler. Chicago has been woefully underrepresented in the recent casts. Why Groundlings all the time, Lorne?
* Zoraida is unhappy with my beard-in-progress. She believes that with a 5 o’clock shadow I look “rugged, handsome, mmm-mmm.” (Her words.) At this point, I’ve got more of a 5-day eclipse. I contemplate keeping it just to annoy her.
* Want to make an easy $275,000? Just gyrate and simulate sexual intercourse with your dance partner while wearing a skirt so short, it exposes your underwear. The ACLU will do the rest.
* It appears we’re joining forces with Fox??? I guess it’ll save money, but this could get scary. Soon we’ll have just one giant camera for all media in Chicago, and anyone wanting to make news will have to get in line and commit their crime or make their announcement there.
* Budget problems force the city to move the Christmas tree lighting ceremony to 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. Lights look so pretty… in the middle of the afternoon.