* Dr. Berman’s sex book continued to cause ripples in the newsroom today.
Rob blindly flipped open the book and told me I had to write about whatever page he landed on. Of course, it landed on “cunnilingus.”
Executive Producer Wendy tried to defend the book, saying it was useful information. Then she went on to describe some class she took in college where the instructor taught the students where the G spot is.
Man, I went to the wrong college.
* In honor of the sex book shenanigans here are 16 more sex position names you can use.
+ The Angry Octopus
+ Smothering Billy
+ The Puff ‘n’ Puncture
+ The Alabama Bullseye
+ Wet Pendulum
+ Handkerchief McGee
+ The Ann Arbor Nostril Slide
+The Escaped Salamander
+ Behind, Rewind
+ Aunt Sally’s Fire Hydrant
+ The Shaved Poodle
+ Waffle Tossing
+ Portuguese Sandwich
+ Beef Smuggling
+ The Soaked Loaf
… and three that can only be done in Chicago…
+ Lincoln Pork
+ Clark and Division
* So our new president has chosen Rahm Emanuel as his chief of staff. The more I read about him, the more I worry. He once sent a dead fish to a rival politician. And Democratic strategist Paul Begala calls him a “cross between a hemorrhoid and a toothache.” Change comes to Washington, and it’s going to bite your frickin’ head off.
* A testosterone patch may kick-start sex drive in women. But really, how many hairy knuckles belong in the sweaty embrace of lust?
* The new inductees in the Toy Hall of Fame have been announced. They include the baby doll, the skateboard and the stick.
This marks the first time the Toy Hall of Fame has welcomed a previous inductee from the Eye Gouging Hall of Fame.
* Now for your Girls Next Door update…
- Hottest but dumbest and most annoying GND Kendra is getting married to a marginal Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver.
- Second hottest GND Holly is dating creepy, lame, sub-David Blaine “magician” Criss Angel.
- And least hot GND Bridget is presumably laying around somewhere being fat.
Poor Hef. How will he occupy himself now?
* The word most used to label George W. Bush’s presidency will be “incompetent,” historians say. Ouch. Obvious, but ouch.
* Staying with that theme, aides say Sarah Palin wasn’t aware Africa is a continent and she and her brood behaved like a band of “Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast.”
Dear God. Could this be true? The Africa thing? There’s no way. Is there? I’m at a loss for words.
* In my loss for words, I summon the great Terry Tate to speak for me.
* Rice University students are trying to develop a beer that could fight cancer, heart disease and diabetes. Man, I went to the wrong college.
* And as a Friday treat, here’s my brother displaying the skills that made him one of three world finalists in an international trombone competition.