Forecast, Fivecast, Sixcast (always the same)

* Today, Zoraida drilled Andy on the Halloween forecast.  It was uncomfortable.  Like Katie Couric-Sarah Palin uncomfortable.  She practically grabbed him by the lapels and told him to spill the forecast.  So he did.  And Halloween looks to have a lovely forecast ahead.

Then, ten minutes later, when we went to the first commercial break, Zoraida had to tease the forecast.  I’d written something like, “Andy tells us if the Halloween weather will be a trick or a treat.”  But then Z ad libbed, “But we already talked about that.”

It’s the weather forecast.  It doesn’t change in ten minutes.  Writing weather teases is the bain of every producer’s existence.  Unless you have inbound storms, every tease is like, “And find out if our 70-degree weather will continue” or, “It might get slightly warmer or cooler tomorrow.”  Add to this the fact that Andy’s forecast is only completed minutes before air (while I have to write that tease hours earlier), and you have a recipe for disaster.

NBC5 delivers weather “on the fives” all morning.  Andy gives the forecast at least 14 times every morning.  It works best if our anchors feign amnesia and act like this is the first time he’s saying it.

Can you imagine on election day…

Anchor 1:“Barack Obama/John McCain is the next president of the United States.” 

Anchor 2: “Yeah, we know.  We did that story 15 times already this morning…”

* Tomorrow should be awesome.  Not only will we reveal Rob, Matt and my Top Secret Halloween Project, I have a few major surprises for my show.  And my friend Nick (a fellow member of Whiskey Rebellion) will demonstrate how to make fake blood in the 5 a.m. show.   It should be lots of wicked fun.

* Did you catch Obama’s infomercial last night?  It was really well shot and edited.  One major quibble.  I think the governor of Kansas said that Obama “has Kansas roots.”  Really?  Just because his mom was born there?  I guess that makes me a New Yorker, despite being born and spending the first 27 years of my life in Michigan.

* If you’re a hot chick with tickets to the Obama rally in Grant Park 27-year-old Brad Feldman wants to take you to dinner as long as you take him to the celebration.  Hell, if you’re a hot chick who worships Marilyn Manson and drinks deer blood, I’ll put a ring on your finger as long as you’ll spend a little time with me…

* Grace Jones says she ‘can’t stand’ Sarah Palin.  Funny.  I can’t stand that James Bond movie she ruined.

* “The reference to a third testicle — or something that looked like it — shocked the courtroom this morning.”

* Let he who has not wanted to take his frustrations out on a gas pump with a shotgun cast the first stone.

* When you want to send a message to your sworn enemy, choose centipedes.

* This might have been my best final segment of the year so far.  It contains two stories of ridiculous “zero tolerance” overreactions, some guys in India being conked on the heads with coconuts, high heels for babies and the terrifying tale of “The Butt Bandit”

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