* Yet another brutal Monday. The sports department left us nothing new. (It’s not like anything big happened on the Chicago sports scene yesterday, right?) Nothing from Saint Peggy, nothing from Saint Paula, nothing from Mortal Daryl… I have a hard time canonizing our sports friends when they abandon us so often. Maybe they’re trying to teach us a lesson about self-reliance. We can’t depend on divine intervention every Monday, can we?
* So the Cubs choked over the weekend. I’m sorta relieved.
I don’t know baseball that well, and there are only so many scripts I can write before everything goes blurry. Like that “60 Minutes” piece about the Wall Street meltdown last night. I hung with Steve Kroft for about two minutes and then my eyes glazed over and I flashed back to when I watched “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” on the big screen. (“Where are the subtitles for this foreign language?” I wondered aloud.)
* Overheard in the newsroom this morning…
Rob: “Do you remember who you went to prom with?”
Zoraida: “Which one?”
For my senior prom, I stayed home in bed and watched “Clear and Present Danger.” The flick was engaging enough to distract me briefly from the fact that everyone I knew was dressed up and making indelible memories.
I had planned to ask Teri Wilson, but my friend Mike LaJoice asked her first. I hope both of them had a great time. It’s not like that incident forever ruined my ability to relate to women…
* From the Hypersensitive People Ruin Everything File: Neighbor complains plastic skeleton scares her children, lawyers have to move it away from their windows.
* If you’re facing foreclosure, shoot yourself in the chest. Worked for this woman.
* 92% of men who cheat say it’s not primarily about the sex. In other news, only 8% of men tell the truth.
* An insurance company thinks video games could help people aged 50-75 become better drivers. I think video games will terrify the elderly with their futuristic technology. (That’s right, I just called people aged 50-75 “elderly.”)
They’ve become so pathetic, I didn’t even try to defend them against that statement. As I was reading up on the game, the Associated Press offered this line – “Like many NFL players, (Kyle) Orton loves playing the Lions.”
The government should bail them out, too.
* I have to give it to SNL. Those Tina Fey/Sarah Palin sketches are spot-on. Too bad Jason Sudeikis never sounds like the person he’s supposed to be impersonating. Oh, and that weird dance club scene created an enormous sucking sound. You need me, Lorne. You need me so bad.
Kudos for Anne Hathaway as host, though. Hottest. Chick. Ever.
* If you ever find yourself in Grand Rapids, Michigan, I recommend Mangiamo. Simply fantastic.
* Executive Producer Wendy entered this newsroom with a bag of apples procured from an Indiana orchard. I think she’s a plant from the Indiana Tourism Bureau.
* I just remembered that late last week, I threw a bottle of root beer in the freezer for insta-cooling. Upon checking the freezer and the fridge this morning, my root beer has gone AWOL. Do I start the hunt for a root beer thief? Or was my beverage merely purged in the annual Friday chuck-out?
Back in my Best Buy days, I used to label all my refrigerator-bound bottles “urine sample.” Perhaps it’s time to revive that tactic.