“It’s a whole new day!”

* I walked in to work this morning to find the following e-mail from our weekend morning producer:

Just wanted to let you guys know we had an eagle on the show yesterday, who decided to take a pee on the green screen…so it had a big wet spot, and we couldn’t use it yesterday for most of the show. Hopefully it’s fine this morning, but may not be…sorry.

 Annnnnd… I’m adding “eagle urine” to my long list of occupational hazards.

* I should warn you that nbc5.com is going away in one week.  You won’t be able to get to the blog as normal.  Bookmark this siteand I’ll give you the new URL once it’s decided.  (Our mothership is transferring to nbcchicago.com)

* Let me take a moment to thank the drunken yahoos on the I-94 overpass who threw a beer bottle that shattered against my windshield this weekend.  May your reproductive organs be forcibly ripped from your bodies by an animal with dull teeth.

* “Hey, Mom.  Can I have money to get my girlfriend breast implants?”
“No.”
(Calls hitmen.)

* I’m incredibly excited for the vice presidential debate this Thursday.  I can’t ever remember a VP nominee this polarizing.  It’s almost like the race has become Obama vs. Palin.  The old white guys are under the radar.

* As I write this,  I am once again mesmerized by the rotating bikini-clad torsos on Telemundo’s “Muy Buenos Días.”  This has to be the greatest television show in the history of eyeballs.

* I bet you were hoping your day would be ruined by a story about a naked clown calendar.  (For more terror, here’sthe slideshow of the freaks involved.)

* My Lions didn’t lose yesterday.  Sure, they had a bye week, but we gotta start somewhere.

* For those of you who think we’ve made any sort of progress in this country: Four of every 10 white Americans hold at least a partly negative view toward blacks, calling them “lazy,” or “violent” or blaming them for the ills of black America.  (That’s a hopeful stat in the 21st century…)

* To improve your marriage, shut up.  Can’t remember Dr. Berman offering that advice.

* I need to burn a week of vacation sometime in October.  Anybody want to go somewhere with me?  Seriously, I will go on vacation with you.  It will be like having this blog converse with you 24/7 in some exotic locale.

* Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… the ratings for everything are down.  Television is dying.  We will all be unemployed by decade’s end.  Mark my words.

* It could be worse.  I could work for a newspaper.  Here’s the Trib’s death rattle.  (“Let’s redesign the paper with more color, less content and a more confusing layout!”)

According to our assignment queue today, “hundreds of energetic and enthusiastic Chicago Tribune employees will stand in the headquarters plaza, clad in Trib garb, chanting the paper’s new tagline, ‘It’s a Whole New Day.'” 

If that were me, I don’t know that I’d be able to chant “It’s a whole new day,” what with the shotgun barrel in my mouth and all.

Sam Zell is sitting in his office somewhere, laughing at the prospect of having respected journalists toss on a Tribune smock and chant on a plaza.  This reminds me of the morning meetings at Best Buy, when we would have to give our manager his requested “B,” “E,” “S,” “T” and “B,” “U” and “Y.”  (“What’s that spell?”  “Best Buy!”  Repeat ad nauseum.)  Every morning, this would happen, and every morning I would feign enthusiasm as I dreamed of writing a blog for which I would not be paid.

Dreams come true, kids!  It’s a whole new day!

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