* Friday could not arrive fast enough, true believers. This week was the news equivalent of the Bataan Death March.
* Something weird was in the air today. As I walked to work, I saw three overly amorous couples. The first was in a car stopped at a green light with the emergency blinkers flashing while the two were making out hard-core. Romance!
* The Shatner-thon continued today as I gave Chicago the explanation for his bizarre rendition of “Rocket Man.” (I timed yesterday’s segment. I had a singing William Shatner on television for two minutes and 23 seconds. Ben Bowman: 1. Channel 7: 0.)
* Today, someone pressed four buttons to tell me to press one. Welcome to bureaucracy.
* The sports department failed me today. On a day when the White Sox were a huge story (their loss puts them perilously close to elimination), they didn’t leave me a sports wrap. Daryl’s sainthood is hereby revoked. Welcome back to mortality, sir. Don’t let me down again.
* I’m actually writing this blog post from home because I felt my skull collapsing the longer I stayed in the newsroom. As I do this, I’m using Firefox, a web browser that allows for multiple tabs for multiple websites. At NBC5, all our computers have Microsoft Internet Explorer from like 1995, so you have to open a new window for every website. Why not just use Netscape and call it a day? I half-expect to see all our computers replaced with Apple IIe’s in a budget-saving move.
* As crazy as our elections are, at least we don’t have campaign managers drowing in the midst of publicity stunts.
* Some think-tank just realized that when they do polls, they’re leaving out all those people who have cell phones. Who even answers their home phone these days? Every poll we report should have the disclaimer, “In a survey of people dumb enough to pick up their home phone and talk to a total stranger about their political beliefs…”
* Kentucky man claims his penis was amputated without consent. I should hope so. I’d worry about someone who would consent.
* As goofy as Illinois politics can sometimes be, at least we weren’t stupid enough to let our lawmakers have an unlimited gasoline budget. Nice goin’, California.
* Want to know if that person you’re dating is a liberal or conservative? Take a look at their bedroom.
Individuals who reported a more conservative ideology also had bedrooms that contained more organizational and cleaning supplies, including calendars, postage stamps, ironing boards and laundry baskets.
Liberals’ rooms on the other hand were marked by more clutter, including more CDs, a greater variety of CDs, a greater variety of books and more color in the room in general.
* In 43% of married households, the women call most of the shots. (Compared to about 25% of man-led households and 30% where both spouses lead the way.) Unless my math fails me, that leaves an unknown 2%. Who makes the decisions there? The cat? A Ouija board? The mother ship?
* Let’s say you want to prevent a bunch of 7th graders from using profanity. How would you go about it? If you said, “Put up a huge overhead projection of 21 vulgar words and phrases,” you, too, could be an administrator at a northern California middle school.
* On that link above, look at that banner across the top of the page. Are you kidding me with that guy in the yellow tie? Can you imagine 50 years ago, CBS asking Walter Cronkite to spread his arms wide and look like he’d been huffing paint all night so they could get a publicity shot and slap him on a website? Video may have killed the radio star, but the internet is killing journalists.
* And finally, my improv team, Whiskey Rebellion, has been renewed for another schedule at the iO Theater, home of Chicago’s finest comedy. Take a gander at our upcoming schedule here. If you are bored, lonely, angry, sleepy, happy or drunk, you will find that one of our shows greatly improves your mood. Come see a show or I might take another 4-month blog sabbatical to cry about your lack of support.