Bouncing baby… wait, what?

* This is my 100th blog post for NBC5.  Sorry to those of you in the pool who expected I’d be fired within the first dozen.  I thought that, too.

* Today, I think I saw the most shocking video in my six years in TV news.  In India, some people throw their babies 50 feet to a crowd of people holding a bed sheet below.  (See it here.)  When I saw this, my jaw literally dropped.  I forwarded it to Highlander Producer Carol, who audibly gasped.  It takes a lot to stun a jaded journalist.  Baby tossing will do it.

For the record, the people of that town say they’ve been doing this for five centuries, and the babies have never been hurt.  Try it off your roof and let us know how that works out for you.

* This week has been one long blur.  I chalk it up to the weather.  I’ve been sleeping at least 10 hours a day.  Maybe I have some sort of disease.  Even if I don’t, I’ll perpetuate that myth so I can get some time off work.  I probably have Lyme Disease. 

* Highlander Producer Carol lost her mind today and started playing ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” through her computer speakers.  Then she wanted me to dance with her.  For those stunts, she loses the title of “Highlander” and is demoted to “Disco-Loving Producer Carol.”

For those keeping track, Carol loves disco, Executive Producer Wendy loves classic rock (Zeppelin, et al) and Arch-Nemesis Producer Jim hates music, joy and laughter.

* The Sun-Times asks what would happen if women ran Chicago.  Ummm… I’d get rejected by hot chicks with higher salaries?

* Maybe I should change my approach with women, like asking them out by painting things on my bare rear end.  Worked for these morons.   I can’t believe the girl said yes. 

“Tell me, Grandma, how did you and Grandpa fall in love?” 

“Well, he painted something on his bare butt cheeks along with his friends…” 

* Out of nowhere, Executive Producer Wendy announced, “My neighbors are getting a beagle.  I’m so excited.”  Suddenly, my empty social life doesn’t seem quite as unique as I think it is.

* Fat people have bigger carbon footprints… and everything else.

* We had an update on the Roscoe Village cougar this morning and Kim thought it would be funny to stand in a corner of the newsroom and do her cougar impression.  It wasn’t.

* The Kinsey Institute informs us one man’s turn-on is often another’s turn-off; an erection doesn’t always signal arousal; and not every guy wants to jump into bed at the drop of a hat.

My turn-ons include unavailable women out of my league and those who take advantage of my kind and caring nature.

* Speaking of the Kinsey Institute, I should warn you never, ever to rent the movie “Kinsey.”  Failure to heed this warning will subject you to the sight of Peter Sarsgaard’s naked nether regions.  My retinas have permanent scarring.

* Brooke White got bumped from “American Idol” last night.  If Jason Castro doesn’t get dumped next, I’m jumping ship.  (I stand by my David Archuleta victory prediction.) 

* Scientists are working on a real version of the “Star Trek” tricorder.  Until now, nerds had to use a proptricorder to repel women.

* Kate Hudson is named People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Person.  Her mom, Goldie Hawn, should be named “most likely to be mistaken for a decaying corpse.”  Lord, she’s hideous.  The magazine lists the planet’s 100 most beautiful people.  Once again, I’m left off the list.  I should have figured something was up when I called them to set up my photo shoot and they never called back.  But most people don’t call me back.  Maybe there’s something wrong with my phone. 

* tells us the best ways to remember more.  The best ways to forget?  Beer.  Lots and lots of beer.

* also brings us ten things your body can do after you die.  Slow news day, huh, CNN? 

6 responses to “Bouncing baby… wait, what?

  1. What is it with Ms. Sambolin and since you write stuff for her, you? Why is every ceremony, event or cultural occurance that doesn’t happen in Chicago ridiculed? You constantly make fun of other culture’s rites and activities. Are you both really so provencial and narrow minded that anything different from what you were brought up with is “stupid.”
    I get it that Ms. Sambolin has a Venti-Mommy Juice running thru her veins which will skew any logic or intellegence, but you?
    I can only chalk you attitudes up to being a Michigander, a designation that instantly alerts one and all to cultural tunnel vision and lack of curiosity. I know as I’m a reformed Michigander myself…it is treatable in many cases.

  2. 1) To BikeBoy5….he is expressing himself on this blog, if you don’t like it don’t read it. Free speech and opinion is great and is what makes this country great. You don’t dare do go against our constitutional, do you?

    2) Where the hell is the blog??


  3. I think Ben is protesting because Rob E. got to judge the Loop Girl Contest…

  4. How come I didn’t know you had a blog–one definitely worth reading no less? I would insert an emoticon here but two thirds of my parents raised me better than that.

    Congrats on your 100th blog! You’ve got me beat by 69.

  5. I was totally impressed that you had your own blog, until:

    1) I saw it hasn’t been updated since May of 2008 (that’s the age of the Velociraptor in internet time)

    2) I saw a PERMANENT link for “Better Sex” on MAQ’s MAIN navigation. Seriously? If they’re going to give “Better Sex” a mini-site, then OF COURSE they’d give you a blog!! What in tarnation is going on in the land of Chicago’s local TV news???

    You’re also just as funny as I remember in the ‘Zoo.

  6. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

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