* Andy tells me yesterday’s post made him laugh so hard he cried. Most women I ask out have the same reaction.
* Yesterday’s post also yielded one of our strangest comments to date. Janet informs us, “Ray-Ban sunglasses are designed and manufactured in Italy to the highest of standards and come with a Ray-Ban lens cloth and pouch.”
Thanks for that totally random bit of information about Ray-Ban, Janet. Did you know it’s legal to pistol duel in Ecuador as long as there’s a certified undertaker and priest present? Random information is fun.
* Kristy Lee Cook was finally, mercifully, cut from “American Idol” last night. Although she provided much-needed eye candy, she also sang like the monster from “Young Frankenstein.” I stand by my previous prediction that David Archuleta will win. David Cook is marginally talented, but his stupid smirk, stupider haircut and stupidest Sharpie hand message will be his undoing.
*17-year-old girl’s mom busts her for writing about marijuana on MySpace. Hilarious. Don’t worry, little girl, you can grow up to be Governor of New York that way.
* Survey says… People become happier with age. One out of three 18-year-olds said they were “very happy,” compared to about half of 80-year-olds. One hundred percent of 30-year-olds who produce 4:30 a.m. newscasts just kept telling the surveyor, “Kill me. Kill me now.”
* Clown arrested on child porn charges. Who could’ve seen that coming? (Clowns and kiddie porn go together like peanut butter and jelly.)
* John McCain’s “family recipes” on his website are actually just Food Network dishes some intern plagiarized. You think that’s embarrassing? His biography says he dodged sniper fire during his trip to Bosnia as First Lady in 1996.
* Washington-area principal bans the game “tag.” The terrorists have already won.
* I am told we’re getting pizza tomorrow. This makes me happy. But I’m also told the funding is coming from the morning staff, not news management. So the battle rages on… Pizza or Revolution!
* If you’re bored tonight, I’m improvising at the i.O. Theater near Wrigley Field at 10:30. The theater just revamped its website, so you can just add this page to your favorites and you’ll see all of Whiskey Rebellion’s performances. We’ll be videotaping this show for submission to various festivals, so your attendance is mandatory.