* Everyone left us high and dry this morning. Executive Producer Wendy called in sick. The sports team didn’t leave us a morning sports package. Last night’s show didn’t leave us the story elements they were supposed to. Rumor has it one or more of the technical crew never showed up. And it’s cold. And it’s Monday. All these things contributed to a fairly miserable start to the day.
* Zoraida argued with me today that one cannot “slurp” pizza. I said you can slurp any food, but Zoraida said slurping was limited to liquids. I told her to buy me pizza and I will show her some slurping. That didn’t come out right.
* Hillary Clinton went a-drinkin’ Saturday night to show she’s just regular folks. While in Indiana, she was handed a shot of whiskey. But rather than do the shot properly (all at once), she merely sipped it. I say every presidential election should be decided like the contest in Marion Ravenwood’s bar in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
* On Mondays, there is a shocking lack of news. That’s because journalists, cops, criminals and politicians all take the weekend off. I mean, today we literally reported that people in Wilmette think they might have seen a cougar near the Linden CTA stop. That will pass for news at 4:30 a.m. on a Monday. Not so much during the week.
* It’s hard enough raising a child in a home with different cultures and religions. But what about a scenario where the parents come from different street gangs? In that case, a man’s best chance to persuade his wife to let his 4-year-old join HIS gang is to threaten to kill her and get arrested.
* To all the optimistic jokers who keep telling me to stop and smell the roses, I say: No point.
* If you’re really bored, I suggest printing out a poster and affixing it in your neighborhood to mark the discovery of the world’s roundest head: Karl Pilkington.
* I’m absolutely crashing right now and like I said, there’s no news. So that will be all for today.