* Yesterday’s call for Zoraida love letters yielded just one. Hey, I’d write you a pep talk if you asked me. Clearly, I have nothing better to do.
* The only story I really liked today involved a company called ScientificMatch.com. For $1000, they send you a Q-Tip and you swab it on the inside of your mouth. Then they analyze your DNA and send you a list of people who are genetically compatible with you, romance-wise.
This would seem dubious, but if a wealthy benefactor would like to spot me a grand, I’ll give it a whirl. Given my track record, I’m sure it would tell me I’m genetically compatible with Harriet Beecher Stowe and Rosie O’Donnell. (Shudder.)
* Zoraida declared the above story “lame” after it aired. You can stand down on the campaign to boost her self-esteem.
* Today, Executive Producer Wendy engaged in a lengthy discussion about lawn care. Her social life is nearly as fascinating as mine.
* Man vs. Monkey update: Lonely Americans are buying monkeys and treating them like children, piercing their ears, pushing them in strollers and giving them their own bedrooms. Where have you gone, Charlton Heston? A lonely nation turns its eyes to you.
* Chicago playwright and Steppenwolf Actor Tracy Letts won a Pulitzer. I was passed over. Again. Tracy frequently sits in with TJ Jagodowski and David Pasquesi in the best show in Chicago. Buy your tickets a day in advance since it sells out every week. Thank me later.
* Arch Nemesis Producer Jim went out on a limb today, predicting a Cubs/White Sox World Series this year. If that happens, I predict my resignation two weeks before the first game. That would be a news tsunami unlike any Chicago has ever seen. And that would mean actual work, which I didn’t sign on for.
* The British throw away a third of all the food they buy. You think that’s bad, just think about what becomes of the two-thirds they eat.
* Executive Producer Wendy asked aloud, “What are they gonna do with those 400 kids in Texas?”
My reply: “It’s Texas. Rodeo!”
Clearly, I have no shame. Perhaps, were Miss Beecher Stowe not rotting in a hole somewhere, she could set me on the right path.