Dispatches from the Control Room – March 13

* Guys, I’ve got some great news. I’m in love. Her name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre. She’s a working girl. Here’s her picture.

Now for the bad news: she doesn’t know I exist. But if each of you could chip in a thousand bucks, I think I can finally make that elusive love connection.

* School overthrows student government vice president after he buys a bag of Skittles. That’ll teach him. Reminds me of the time in middle school I got a detention for eating a candy heart on Valentine’s Day. Seriously.

* Congratulations, Pam Babcock! By sitting on a toilet for two years and letting your skin grow over the seat, you join the sorority previously only occupied by Gayle Grinds – the woman who sat on her couch so long, her skin fused to the fabric.

* Florida will make sure you have enough toilet paper, come hell or high water.

* Our money is now worthless.

* Sorry, air travelers, you can’t bring a skeleton on a plane.

* Holy smokes! A 90210 spinoff??? Brandon, Dylan and Steve were more my friends than my actual friends in high school. Bonus for their consistent use of all-time hot chicks, like Tiffany-Amber Thiessen and Vanessa Marcil. Negative points for trying to convince us that Tori Spelling was remotely cute. I need this show, CW Network. Don’t let me down.

* Today Zoraida informed me I am “sarcastic and mean spirited and that’s on a good day.” She also called me a “selfish nutcase.” I love Zoraida. She really gets me.

* Today is my first NBC5 performance review. I suggest you all leave lengthy comments about how great I am so I can print them and hand them to our news director. I need the extra money… ya know… to see my new girl Ashley.

4 responses to “Dispatches from the Control Room – March 13

  1. Zoraida aways sees the best in people.


  2. Would you like a tee-shirt that says “I am Client 10”?

    That and the Playboy air freshener worn as a medallion might get you closer to a date.

    BTW, have you considered bi-sexuality? It would double you chances for a date.


  3. What’s with that cab fare story? That footage had to be some of the oldest I’ve seen in forever. Can’t you guys go stand outside and get 5 minutes of footage on camera? You are on Michigan Avenue afterall

  4. Kory Mc Farren??? Chicgo’s own sports caster KORY MCFARREN!!!
    He dates a girl stuck to a toilet seat?!?!?

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