Predictably, the Greek Comment Chorus has no sympathy. maneatr1999 points out that I have no woman to “kiss it and make it better.” If I did, she’d kiss it, contract the same skull-crushing virus and then she’d hate me for a week while she tries to shake it.
lazynbc5junkie could care less about my imminent death, instead posting twice(!) about his demand for Studio 5 pictures. I’ll jump right on that as soon as I’m released from the iron lung my doctor prescribed.
Anonymous ignored everything I wrote just to drop a generic compliment about the show, which is nice, but gives me little comfort as I convulse in agony.
Jakki is offering me chicken soup, but I have no appetite. All I need is a pint of NyQuil and about 48 hours of sleep… and maybe a visit from an exorcist.
* 77 percent of U.S. employees say they work harder than their boss. This is certainly not true of my boss, Executive Producer Wendy. She does all the heavy lifting while I spend hours each morning looking for news bulletins about monkey attacks.
* Today brings big primaries in Ohio and Texas. Is anyone else sick of the Barack and Hillary Show? I’m bored with the “ready on day one,” “change we can believe in,” same-old, same-old. Come up with a new slogan. Tear each other’s throats out. Make it interesting. I want one or the other to just start making up random accusations about arms smuggling or illegitimate children. It is going to be a long hard slog until November, folks.
* Staying on the false accusation beat, did you catch “60 Minutes” on Sunday? Steve Kroft interviewed a few shut-in hillbillies who live in a cave in Ohio somewhere. A grown man looked at this seasoned reporter from the most respected TV news program in history and said he was hesitating to vote for Obama because… well… let’s let him tell it.
Yokel: “Well, I’m hearin’ (Obama) doesn’t even know the National Anthem, you know. He wouldn’t use the Holy Bible. He’s got his own beliefs, got the Muslim beliefs. Couple issues that bothers me at heart.”
Kroft: “You know that’s not true.”
Yokel: “No. I’m just… this is what I’ve been told.”
How is this man allowed to vote? Is he licensed to drive a car? Has he procreated? Nice to know this country still allows for life, liberty and the pursuit of blissful ignorance.
* If I could have been anywhere Saturday night, I would have been at the Chuck E. Cheese in Natick, Massachussetts. Because I would have seen this. And I would still be laughing today.
* “American Idol” contestant David Hernandez spent a few years stripping at a gay-themed dance club. Had Paula seen this, I think she would have characterized it as “magical” as tears streamed down her face and cartoon penguins danced in a circle around her head.
* The CW Network is laying off 25-30 employees as part of a restructuring that includes the elimination of its comedy department. In other news, the CW Network had a comedy department.
* According to this article, 1 in 5 married couples has sex less than 10 times a year. Hey, could be worse. They could be me.
* In this ridiculously long article, a professional matchmaker claims to be able to tell women what they’re doing wrong on the dating scene. Oddly, she leaves out the part where those girls agreed to go out with me in the first place. Apparently, that’s a big no-no.