* And the winner of the Guess Ben’s Epitaph Contest is maneatr1999, who correctly guessed, “A big bowl of yummy redheadedness.”
* Also yesterday, Miss Kaylee dropped a comment in reference to her graphic sex column elsewhere on this site. I would investigate further, but I’m pretty sure “Kaylee” is just Web Czar Marcus in a mask. Such women do not exist outside the Sarah Jessica Parker fictional character realm.
* What happened to the graphic atop this page that showed me slumped sexily across my keyboard? More than one person compared it to Burt Reynolds’ 1972 Cosmo centerfold. Now it’s gone. Let us all mourn.
* The following conversation occurred in the newsroom today…
Executive Producer Wendy: “What would a lobbyist see in John McCain.”
Me: “Power. First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women. (Pause.) And I’m 0 for 3.”
* I was super-psyched today because today is Japanese Zoo Emergency Drill Day. That’s the day every year when we get video from Tokyo of a dude in an animal costume running wild and attacking people. These costumes always look like Disney rejects. Like, even Hanna-Barbera would be disappointed with their quality. So they run around and guys with nets try to wrap them up… but then they escape. Finally, someone hits ’em with a tranq dart and they stumble to the ground. The commitment to lifelike animal behavior is always top-notch. And this year, we had the special treat of the animal being a zebra. That’s right. Two guys under a Zebra costume, running around and kicking people. I can’t wait to see which animal costume they drag out next year.
* Zoraida was upset with me today because I wanted to put my signature spin on the story about Indian women renting out their wombs for wealthy Westerners in need of a surrogate. Here’s what I wrote. Tell me whose side you choose.
“Are you a woman who wants a baby without all the hassle of having to carry it around for nine months? Why not rent a womb? Fertility companies can shuttle your embryo overseas, where it will hang out inside an Indian woman until it’s ready to emerge as a full-blown baby. In at least one case, the cost for womb-rental is just $4,000, which, for nine months, is better than a studio apartment on Lake Shore Drive. And just about as much space.”
Sadly, you’ll never hear that script… unless I can convince Dick to read it.
* Executive Producer Wendy thanked me for not running this story today. I’m guessing I’ll lose points for blogging about it.
* Caught up on “American Idol” last night. I think David Archuleta and Syesha Mercado are the ones to watch. Carly Smithson has pipes, but I think the audience won’t back her past the top five. Amanda Overmyer is amusing, but she’s a one-trick pony. Danny Noriega, meanwhile, is a no-trick pony. This Robbie Carico guy is hilarious. He dresses like a “rocker,” but he’s straight-up boy band material. He must be discarded for creating cognitive dissonance. Several of these people make me want to punch them in the face. Paula, too. Seems like her prescriptions are extra powerful this season.
* From the “Hollywood Is Out of Ideas” File, NBC’s parent company, Universal, just bought the movie rights to Monopoly. Really? Monopoly puts the “bored” in “board game.” It starts out fun, but it takes hours to erode someone’s wealth to the point that they have to cash out. You’ll have them on the ropes, only to land on stupid Ventnor Avenue with a hotel and then the game goes on for another four hours. I hate Monopoly. It takes no skill.
* Tonight is Rob Elgas’ big sleep deprivation story. Tune in at 10 to see him pretending it’s a big deal to stay awake 24 hours.