Dispatches from the Control Room – January 24

* Time to hit the mailbag.

gameboy777 wants to know where I get all this time to write something so brilliant every day. I tend to knock out my show pretty early every day, so I spend a few minutes leading up to the newscast writing a few things. I’ll do the show then come back and finish it off. The last few blogs have taken way longer to write than I normally aim for, but there’s been a lot of great news to cover. If I ever got really bored, I could actually blog from home. But then I would have to kill myself because life would have hit a new, depressing low.

lazynbc5junkie wants me to e-mail him/her/it. Sorry, bub. But I will tell you that the HAL-9000 changeover has been a complicated one. I’m taking some pictures today so you can see what everything looks like tomorrow. We basically have three people using robots to do the jobs of at least six people. Eventually, we’ll be down to just two people running the ‘bots. It’s a mind-boggling amount of work for them. Any wrong button-press or computer glitch and all hell breaks loose. (Or, as Robert Feder called it yesterday, an “epic meltdown.”)

Thanks to HAL, lots of viewers have written in saying they’re abandoning us forever. We’ve had some really rough shows. But the mornings have usually been okay.

Anonymous wants us to move Dick and Zoraida over to a more casual setting for the watercooler stories. We normally do when we’re over at our Michigan Avenue studio, but it’s under construction right now. (HAL needs to extend his reach.) And I’m hesitant to ask for any crazy camera moves until the crew is more familiar with all their new buttons and knobs.

* Yesterday, I mentioned that Traffic Baron Nicole hadn’t brought me so much as an M&M. Today, she brought me a whole bag. The power of this blog is intoxicating. Gee, I wish someone would drop a stack of hot chicks’ phone numbers on my desk…



* Speaking of chicks, Drew Peterson almost got his chance to solicit dates on Jack FM, despite the fact that his wife has been missing since October.

Mr. Peterson, whose third wife’s death has now been ruled an unsolved homicide, had some super-hilarious questions ready for the stunt. Among them, “Do you need a boob job?” and, “Do you get PMS?”

Wow. Such amazing dignity in the face of a horrible tragedy. I only hope when my fourth wife disappears without a trace, I can be so witty.

According to a Sun-Times poll, 12% of respondents said they’d date Drew Peterson. That’s still a better batting average than I have. And Peterson says women are virtually throwing themselves at him. Must be the ‘stache. Ladies love the ‘stache.

* Yesterday, my newscast was #1 in its time slot. Somehow, we managed to beat the reruns of “Andy Griffith” that have dominated the 4:30 a.m. slot since we launched a show in January of last year. If I had any clue why people were tuning in, I’d do that thing more often. Still, I’m not doing any cartwheels. So 3 people watched us while 2 watched Andy. Tomorrow might be the episode where Barney joins the choir. All 5 would flip over. No question.

* Looking for the perfect vacation for your ill-behaved little brat? Take ’em to the “1984” theme park in Lithuania, where they’ll be beaten by fake KGB officers! That’ll learn ’em.

* The Dow has enjoyed triple-digit swings every trading day this year except for TWO. Just two days where I haven’t watched thousands of my dollars vanish or reappear. Fun. Thanks, stock market! I’d be better off playing the ponies.

* Heath Ledger dies and capitalism is there!

5 responses to “Dispatches from the Control Room – January 24

  1. Sleepy Time Traffic

    Mark this down. . .
    Robert DeNiro plays Drew Peterson in the bio pic. Easy call there. Who plays the attorney?

  2. Don’t get too down on the fact that 12% of respondents to a survey said they would date Drew Peterson. Think about it – would you really want to date a woman who said she would date Drew Peterson? I think not.

    If you’re going to keep talking about your lack of dates and hoping for some hot chicks phone numbers then you need to do something about it. (LOL) I’d probably open it up to “chicks” and not limit yourself to “hot chicks” – need to widen your pool. (LOL)

    Did I hear someone say AM Dating Game? (LOL)

    I’m just trying to help you out! LOL

  3. I agree with Jakki about the AM Dating Game. She does bring up a good point about not limiting yourself to just the “hot chicks.” You are adorable, but what if you’re not THEIR type?

  4. Good point maneatr1999! :-)

  5. lazynbc5junkie

    Just so you know I’m a he. I’m Dylan, 15, Sagittarius. Dedicated NBC 5 Viewer but Sadly don’t catch the morning show that often. Had finals so waking up early let me catch the early news. I’m starting to like it better than the night ones. Ever since Warner got back the evening shows have been running smoother though. So you guys have 2 people in the control room now….eh…sounds not fun. I remember when I came down there once the control room was a long rectangular room with like 6 people in it. Right off the elevator on the 2nd floor if I remember right. I say screw automated and get back to manual (its worked at ABC7, they are number one, maybe take a hint).

    Have a good one! Maybe I could come down and check out the morning show one time{As in you let me come in the Tower :)…} Ask Allison and Paula they love me!

    Btw…check out my newscasts…I’m giving Dick a run for his money.

    Oh and can’t wait to see pics!

    Dylan :^)

    P.S>>I dont really know how my comment ended up so long.

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