* Time to hit the mailbag.
gameboy777 wants to know where I get all this time to write something so brilliant every day. I tend to knock out my show pretty early every day, so I spend a few minutes leading up to the newscast writing a few things. I’ll do the show then come back and finish it off. The last few blogs have taken way longer to write than I normally aim for, but there’s been a lot of great news to cover. If I ever got really bored, I could actually blog from home. But then I would have to kill myself because life would have hit a new, depressing low.
lazynbc5junkie wants me to e-mail him/her/it. Sorry, bub. But I will tell you that the HAL-9000 changeover has been a complicated one. I’m taking some pictures today so you can see what everything looks like tomorrow. We basically have three people using robots to do the jobs of at least six people. Eventually, we’ll be down to just two people running the ‘bots. It’s a mind-boggling amount of work for them. Any wrong button-press or computer glitch and all hell breaks loose. (Or, as Robert Feder called it yesterday, an “epic meltdown.”)
Thanks to HAL, lots of viewers have written in saying they’re abandoning us forever. We’ve had some really rough shows. But the mornings have usually been okay.
Anonymous wants us to move Dick and Zoraida over to a more casual setting for the watercooler stories. We normally do when we’re over at our Michigan Avenue studio, but it’s under construction right now. (HAL needs to extend his reach.) And I’m hesitant to ask for any crazy camera moves until the crew is more familiar with all their new buttons and knobs.
* Yesterday, I mentioned that Traffic Baron Nicole hadn’t brought me so much as an M&M. Today, she brought me a whole bag. The power of this blog is intoxicating. Gee, I wish someone would drop a stack of hot chicks’ phone numbers on my desk…
* Speaking of chicks, Drew Peterson almost got his chance to solicit dates on Jack FM, despite the fact that his wife has been missing since October.
Mr. Peterson, whose third wife’s death has now been ruled an unsolved homicide, had some super-hilarious questions ready for the stunt. Among them, “Do you need a boob job?” and, “Do you get PMS?”
Wow. Such amazing dignity in the face of a horrible tragedy. I only hope when my fourth wife disappears without a trace, I can be so witty.
According to a Sun-Times poll, 12% of respondents said they’d date Drew Peterson. That’s still a better batting average than I have. And Peterson says women are virtually throwing themselves at him. Must be the ‘stache. Ladies love the ‘stache.
* Yesterday, my newscast was #1 in its time slot. Somehow, we managed to beat the reruns of “Andy Griffith” that have dominated the 4:30 a.m. slot since we launched a show in January of last year. If I had any clue why people were tuning in, I’d do that thing more often. Still, I’m not doing any cartwheels. So 3 people watched us while 2 watched Andy. Tomorrow might be the episode where Barney joins the choir. All 5 would flip over. No question.
* Looking for the perfect vacation for your ill-behaved little brat? Take ’em to the “1984” theme park in Lithuania, where they’ll be beaten by fake KGB officers! That’ll learn ’em.
* The Dow has enjoyed triple-digit swings every trading day this year except for TWO. Just two days where I haven’t watched thousands of my dollars vanish or reappear. Fun. Thanks, stock market! I’d be better off playing the ponies.
* Heath Ledger dies and capitalism is there!