Dispatches from the Control Room – January 14

* Tomorrow, we do our first 4:30 a.m. newscast in HD. Yeah, high definition really matters at that hour. Like anyone up at 4:30 is anything other than bleary-eyed, drunk or blindfolded. (Not to disparage our viewers. I’m sure they’re just super-motivated go-getters who enjoy being awake when only werewolves and zombies populate the streets.)

* The super-boring Golden Globes were on last night. I’ve never been much for the Golden Globes. The foreign press hands them out. Even if it were the domestic press, I don’t know how much stock I’d put in the award. We’re journalists. We don’t know anything.

Now, the Oscars… I love the Oscars. I become visibly upset when a lame movie starts racking up prizes. And I frequently fist-pump when a solid flick comes out on top.

In my mind, the worst Academy Award travesty occurred in 1999, when “Shakespeare in Love” beat “Saving Private Ryan” for Best Picture. “Shakespeare in Love” was a goofy little piece of fluff. (Meanwhile, The American Film Institute cited “Ryan” as the 71st greatest movie of all time. “Shakespeare” was justifiably left off the list.)

1998 was another year of silliness. “Titanic” was a formulaic picture, though a well-done flick. Still, compare that to the movies that didn’t win that year: “As Good As It Gets,” “Good Will Hunting,” “L.A. Confidential,” and “Boogie Nights” (which wasn’t even nominated for Best Picture!). I don’t know about you, but if you gave me the choice to watch any of those movies, I seriously doubt I’d watch the one about the craggy old hag whining about the diamond she threw into the ocean.

Over the weekend, I watched “No Country For Old Men” and “There Will Be Blood” again. “There Will Be Blood” is easily the better film in my mind, but I’m worried the Academy will go with some sloppy love story like “Atonement.” (The Globes, predictably, picked that as the best flick. Nice going, foreign guys.)

Dick said the Globes were “a cut above watching paint dry.” That may not sound like much, but my sources tell me Dick is a huge fan of drying paint. Sometimes he just loads up a bucket of popcorn, rolls his favorite recliner into the garage, slaps a fresh coat of latex on the wall and sits mesmerized for hours.

* Christina Aguilera gave birth to a baby boy over the weekend. A shrill, loud, scantily-clad, overrated baby boy.

* This is why I never wave at girls.

* Scientists bring a dead heart back to life. What could possibly go wrong with this technology?

* I leave you with a picture of a frog on a toy motorcycle.

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One response to “Dispatches from the Control Room – January 14

  1. Does that frog have insurance?

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