Dispatches from the Control Room – January 3

* It is cold. This was not in the brochure.

* Best story of 2008 so far: Man stabs other man in the neck with a pork chop bone. And get a load of that mug shot. What does that guy use to wash his face, battery acid?

* Experts predict sex with robots by 2050. For those who can’t wait, there’s always the toaster.

* Study finds cell phone users delay your commute. Also delaying your commute: other cars, old people who fear pushing things with their right foot, clowns who actually drive the speed limit.

* Had a slam-bang improv show last night. Sold out and everything. Some guy was there for his bachelor party and his moron friends had dressed him in a hot dog costume. But drunken fraternity brothers will laugh at almost anything, so the crowd was great. Next show: Sunday @ 8 p.m. ($12) Info here.

I’ll probably get fired for shilling that on a company website. Forget everything I wrote. Stay home and enjoy hours of quality NBC programming. Ignore your family and friends. Or, if your family and friends have Nielsen boxes, go to their homes and watch NBC5 until you lose consciousness.

* Okay… let’s answer some of these comments.

Jakki wants me to spread holiday cheer. Holidays are over, Jakki. Cheer was distributed to those I deemed worthy.

“doodad” finds this blog amusing. Thanks, sir or madam or gender-neutral robot.

Jakki (again) really wants me to jump on this AM dating game idea. Look, if I actually landed a date, I’d have something to live for. And if I had something to live for, I’d quit a job that forces me to work when only vampires roam the Earth. And if I quit this job, you wouldn’t have this blog.

mickie wants me to mention Steve Boal. Steve Boal.

Actually, Steve and I go way back. We went to high school together. We were in band together. He graduated a year ahead of me. Never thought I’d see him again. But we somehow ended up working here together. But Steve works among the daywalkers, so I never see him anymore.

Copier Queen enjoyed my allusion that Drew Peterson may have filled a tub with 120 pounds of macaroni and cheese and asked his relative to help him move it. 120 pounds of macaroni and cheese would be healthier than everything I ate over the last month. (“Really, Ben, a fifth helping of chocolate-covered fried ham?”)

Rodey says I can wear green. Um, thanks?

Zoraida was curious to know if she’d have to buy me breakfast a few months ago. She did. Also, I loaned her “The Shawshank Redemption” more than a month ago, and she still hasn’t watched it yet. My dear Zoraida, wherever you are vacationing this week, I hope you have a DVD player. (Seriously, who hasn’t seen “Shawshank” by now? Was she living under a rock for the past decade?)

Okay, I’m bored with your comments. But you can leave some if you want and I may or may not respond a few months from now, when I get hassled again.

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One response to “Dispatches from the Control Room – January 3

  1. You definitely are late in responding to the comments – hopefully that will improve in the new year. :-)

    1. I have never seen The Shawshank Redemption so maybe after Zoraida’s finished with your DVD I can borrow it.

    2. I’m a little disappointed because I wasn’t deemed worthy of holiday cheer but just because the holidays are over doesn’t mean it stops. You want to get rid of that title “perenially-cranky” producer – don’t you?

    3. The AM dating game was only a suggestion on my part since you’ve mentioned (a few times) how you haven’t had a date in a while. I haven’t talked about it since the middle of December so I’m thinking that you just might be a little intrigued by the idea since you commented on it. Maybe in 2008 you should step outside the box and try something new. (ha ha)

    This blog has been a whole lot of fun – I only hope the cubs blog gets going this well when we start up again!

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