New Year’s Resolutions:
1. Not to set fire to an apartment complex because my daughter married a man from a lower social caste.
2. To complete a chin-up.
3. To master Guitar Hero III, preferably by practicing during down-time at work.
4. To freehand my tattoos. (I hear tracing is dangerous.)
5. To force Dick Johnson to say the phrase “Monkey News” as often as possible.
6. To make our Web Czar happy by replying to this blog’s commenters… which is sorta like dangling my leg inside a tiger pit, but what the heck.
7. To use that gift card I got for Christmas in 2006.
8. To use the words “surge,” “waterboarding” and “organic” as often as possible, just to rile the Poindexters at Lake Superior State University.
10. To push views of the Barely Today trampoline bear video up past 50,000.