Dispatches from the Control Room – December 26

* Sorry for my absence, sports fans. A combination of exhaustion and vacation pushed me away from the blogging station for a time.

* You know what’s fun? Leaving your friends and family early on Christmas day and driving 150 miles so you can go into work in the middle of the night and write stories about people who go shopping. Do they really need me to do that? Can’t we just cue up last year’s show and do a rerun? Oh, that’s right, there was no 4:30 a.m. show last year.

Actually, it was almost exactly one year ago that station management tapped me to create a show that would work at this hour. They’re still waiting.

* In case you need another reason to hate Martha Stewart, she made her own ceramic nativity scene while in prison. I barely have time to put my tree up, let alone sculpt and fire an entire series of ceramic figurines.

This reminds me of the time I called to get renter’s insurance. The operator asked me if I owned a kiln.

A kiln?

Yeah. I own four. Four kilns. I just love baking things at incredible temperatures.

* I see the header atop this page refers to me as “perennially-cranky but amusing morning prodcuer Ben Bowman.”

I have a few problems with this:

1) What is a “prodcuer“? Is that like a cattle prod you use to cue an anchor when he’s supposed to talk?

2) The word “perennially” should have two n’s. But NBC is trying to save money. We’re renting out our spell-checker to the government of an oil-rich country.

3) “Perennially-cranky?” Why not “perennially handsome” or “perennially intelligent”? “Perennially lonely,” perhaps, but I don’t know how anyone’s supposed to meet someone or maintain a relationship on this schedule. The closest I’ve come to a long-term relationship recently is the couple of weeks we spent covering the baby beluga at the Shedd.

Of course, we name the thing and suddenly, the beluga wants nothing to do with us. I see how it is, beluga. You get what you want from us and you’re gone. Well, I knew you were no good, beluga. I knew it from the moment I saw you.

One response to “Dispatches from the Control Room – December 26

  1. It’s the holidays – spread some good cheer! You don’t want to be known as “perennially cranky” producer going into 2008 – do you?

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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