Dispatches from the Control Room – November 30

* Gee, thanks for coming out to my improv show last night, guys. I should go on a blog strike to express my displeasure.

* Early this morning, it appeared there was no real news to cover. So I wagered that one of our competitors would send their reporter to cover the new police superintendent. Then the Trib came out, with details on how Drew Peterson allegedly paid his relative to help him remove a large rectangular container from a bedroom the day his wife disappeared. My fellow producer, Jim, would not allow me to retract my bet. So, of course, everyone was all over the Peterson story. And now I gotta bring a half-dozen donuts to work next Friday.

Great. I don’t have money for a half-dozen donuts. I spend it all on Pop-Tarts and sponsoring orphans overseas. So either I stop eating or the orphans do. Way to go, Jim. Now the orphans are going to starve.

* Can we talk about the Peterson story for a second? Let’s say, hypothetically, your relative calls you up and asks you to help him move something. You’d probably agree. But wouldn’t you get a little suspicious when you showed up and you had to lift some mysterious container that was warm to the touch? Who knows, maybe your hypothetical relative just enjoys cooking 120 pounds of macaroni and cheese and storing it off-site for some reason. That’s what I’d probably conclude.

* I think it’s cool that Mayor Daley went outside the Chicago PD to select the new superintendent. It reminds me of Sean Connery in “The Untouchables.”

“If you’re afraid of getting a rotten apple, don’t go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.”

“The Untouchables” has to be one of the coolest all-time movies. Awesome script by Mamet. Connery & DeNiro. Gunfights. Wonderful Chicago scenery. And, it featured a small performance from a guy named Del Close, who was one of the founders of the improv theater you didn’t see me at last night. So it all ties together.

* Remember our story about the teacher arrested for letting her students name a teddy bear “Mohammed?” She just got thrown in jail for 15 days. Don’t get any ideas about our “name the baby beluga” contest. We can’t afford to lose any of our employees to a Sudanese jail.

* Wonderful story about Chuck Norris: Asked if he would ever run for office, he replies, “Let’s say I run for a position in politics and I am debating my opponent and my opponent starts attacking my character and I leap over the bench and choke him unconscious, it’s not going to help my campaign.”

For those not hip to the legend of Chuck Norris, click here.

* I’m still fighting the remnants of my fever, so I’ll slink back to my apartment now. Though this story about how working the graveyard shift gives you an increased risk of cancer makes me think I should schedule an appointment with a doctor instead.

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One response to “Dispatches from the Control Room – November 30

  1. You are cracking me up. I am thinking about forgoing the news altogether and just reading your blog. That macaroni and cheese bit had me laughing out loud, and believe me that’s the last thing you want to hear at the office.

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