* The lead singer of Quiet Riot was found dead yesterday. Today, the band has renamed itself “Quieter Riot.”
* Jermaine Jackson says the Jackson 5 are getting back together. Same old songs, same old people, brand new faces!
* The stock market took a triple-digit slide for the seventh time this month. I don’t know what’s worse: my investing prowess or my dating life.
* The craziest story of the day involves a teacher jailed, possibly facing a whipping, because her kids chose to name a teddy bear “Muhammad.” Man, I hated some of my teachers back in the day, but this puts the whole “tack on a chair” thing to shame. That’ll teach her for… giving her students the freedom of choice.
* Journalists have one of the least prestigious jobs in America. Really? What part of long, overnight hours, working on holidays, low pay and a non-existent social life do you not want a part of?
* As I spent Sunday with a friend, I missed all the football games. So to get my football fix, I tune in Monday night to watch a thrilling one-field-goal battle between the Steelers and Dolphins on a muddy field that made all the players look as coordinated as a greyhound on roller skates. But hey, there’s a great game Thursday between the Packers and Cowboys! Oh, wait. I don’t get the NFL Network. I swear, a brother can’t catch a break these days.