Dispatches from the Control Room – November 15

Today’s shift was an ocean of emotion.

Thanks to a slow red line train, I arrived late. (Bad.)

Our writer couldn’t find the morning sports tape, meaning I’d have an extra two minutes to fill in my show. (Bad.)

Some loudspeaker above my desk started going nuts, with a voice that kept repeating, “Testing. 1, 2, 3. This is only a test. Testing. 1, 2, 3. This is only a test.” Ad infinitum. (Bad.)

I wanted to stab the speaker with a polearm, thus ending its auditory assault. The closest polearms are locked inside the Art Institute. (Bad.)

The speaker guy stopped talking. (Good.)

He was replaced by a siren. (Bad.)

The siren eventually stopped. (Good.)

Our writer found the sports tape. (Good.)

The writers bought a pizza and shared with me. (Very good.)

What little social grace I have compelled me to take just two slices, though I could have eaten at least nine. (Good? Bad? Still hungry.)

I found a story about a guy who got caught having sex with a bicycle. (Good.)

Matt Damon was named People Magazine’s “sexiest man alive.” Once again, I am overlooked. (Bad.)

Tomorrow, I’m supposed to have breakfast with Zoraida. We’d planned to do that last week, but she blew me off because of some Shedd Aquarium event involving a beluga whale or a sea cow or a pond scum or something. If I had a nickel for every time some woman blew me off for an aquatic mammal… (Bad.)

One response to “Dispatches from the Control Room – November 15

  1. breakfast with you??!! are you buying?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s